We all develop certain patterns and beliefs in our life that aren't very useful for us. It's part of the process of growing up. We hear, we see, and we are told sometimes very firmly just how it is and what we are supposed to think and feel. We become very comfortable with those beliefs and we rarely challenge ourselves to break out of them. But when we are so accustomed to feeling negative about life or people, we are truly dealing with a comfort issue that is holding us back from fully realizing our potential.

Some of us had great childhoods and others of us had absolutely messed up childhoods. In fact, some of us experienced some pretty horrific childhoods. As boys we grew into men and we were told to put it away, pretend it never happened, and move on. We stuffed it and sucked it and now we are unhappy people moving about in a world that feels foreign to us. The good news in all this unhappy bull is that we now are grown men and we have the ultimate power of choice.

Think about some of the nonsense you were told as a child. Most of heard about how boys don't cry unless they are sissies. First of all, what is a sissy? By our fathers' definition, a metrosexual man would look like a sissy. Is he? Of course not. In fact, he's getting laid a lot more than you and I because he is in touch with who he is and what women want while you and I have spent how long hanging out behind the scenes trying to be "real men." Did you ever cry in front of a woman? Most women respond to a man's tears as though he is the most incredible little creature on earth, and he hasn't been shunned or out casted because of a few tears. Did you ever wonder why we worked so hard to please an enigmatic society that has defined what and who we are supposed to be?

Being a man doesn't have to be all that complicated. We don't have to wander around in our security blanket of negative feelings in order to be a real man. In fact, we are pretty much on the road to liberation and each and every one of has the power to become that liberated man. You don't have to feel bad in order to get what you want.

Take work for example. If you want to achieve more in your career is it really necessary to decide that you are going to be miserable working where you are right now in order to make sure that you are able to go farther in the future? Why make ourselves so uncomfortable right now for something we want down the road. We're missing it. Can we not be happy and satisfied men and still aspire to go farther and harder in our careers? Of course we can. We just aren't really aware of this. We use our cloak of negative feelings to prevent ourselves from feeling negative later. That's a truly interesting concept and yet almost every single one of us has done it or is still doing it.

The same basic idea applies to women. We believe we have to be unhappy about the situation in order to change it. If we want to find a great woman, we don't have to be unhappy about being alone to do so. If we aren't feeling like we deserve a good woman, then we are obviously out there fishing with the wrong bait. What we truly believe and how we feel about ourselves and the world can be incredibly transparent to the majority of women.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling good about who you are, feeling good about your situation, and working diligently to improve it. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that you aren't perfect in every single way and yet still be perfectly suited to meeting a fantastic woman.

This cloak of negative security blanket that we love so much is also a perfect form of self sabotage. When we do have a fantastic woman at our side, we are perfect gentlemen when it comes to convincing ourselves we aren't going to be able to hang onto her or that sooner or later she will realize that we aren't good enough for her. Of course, is we are convinced of this, the chances that she will become convinced of this rises considerably.

We can accept who we are, strive for growth, and realize that if this incredible woman is giving us her attention then we are most definitely worth it. Self worth needs to come from within. And the better you feel about yourself the greater your chances are when it comes to finding and keeping a really good woman. There is no reason why you don't deserve a good woman. In the beginning of working on your esteem, it is not unreasonable to check in by looking at who is attracted to you and why. But even if you end up sitting totally alone in the world for awhile, there is no evidence that means you are a bad guy. We have just been taught to think that way.

We all have been taught to believe things and feel things that aren't serving us or our quest for a fuller, more complete life. In so many ways, the ideals we have been taught work against us. It is within our power to dissect these feelings and really look at why we hold them so dear to our hearts and then discard them in favor of more positive feelings. It is truly just one more step toward creating a positive future for ourself and hopefully our future family.